May 7th: Deuteronomy 24, Song of Solomon 4 & Acts 18-19

First of all, Song of Salomon. Wow. I guess the nice thing is that most kids that read through it will have no idea about the imagery and the poetry. Wow, Song of Salomon 4:13-16, wow.

Acts 19 has something really interesting. Take a look at verses 11-20. If I was going to make up something... If I was going to tell a bunch of fictitious stories, I might include a bit about the inanimate articles of a holy man that actually healed people. That's pretty cool. But what is so outlandish, it had to have happened is the next bit (13-20).

There were these seven brothers. They're chillin, drinking sweet tea watching CNN and they see that some dude, used to be named Saul now called Paul is doing some crazy stuff. They turn to each other and say, "Let's get in on some of this noise!" So they go down to the local nutters house and try to cast out some demons in the name of Jesus and Paul.

This is where it goes from a normal "make-a-flannel-graph-for-Sunday-school" to over the top "it-had-to-have-happened-crazy." Here is exactly what it says:

"And the man in whom was the evil spirit leaped on them, mastered all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. And this became known to all the residents of Ephesus, both Jews and Greeks."

Not just wounded. NAKED and wounded. Injury to insult. At what point does dude number seven not see the fact that Crazy is taking people's clothes off? Seriously. I love it. You can't make this stuff up. Imagine this happening at church now.

(Oh yeah, by the way, this is in your Bible too.)

May 6th: Deuteronomy 23, Song of Solomon 3 & Acts 16-17

If this is my first time through the Bible, I don't expect to come across this line:

"No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD."

They left that out of Veggie Tales. But yet, there it is. Also, in the same chapter, there is this:

"You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the LORD your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you."

Up for a challenge? Walk into a 5th grade Sunday school class and try and tell the boys about this. Oh yeah, and then create an application for them. Oh yeah, it this is literal. Literal. So glad I'm not reading this in a picture Bible.

Why do we make those?

May 5th: Deuteronomy 22, Song of Solomon 2 & Acts 14-15

Wow. This is awkward. I need to ask all of you for forgiveness. I mean, I know this is between me and God... but I just want to go out on a limb publicly. You see, the other day I sinned. This is a big confession. I knew the law:

"Thou shalt not see thy brother’s ox or his sheep go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely bring them again unto thy brother."

And yet there they were, that wandering herd of sheep. But I was busy. I know, I know, being busy is no reason to forsake a brother's herd. I shouldn't have just let them wander past. By the way, do you know how long it takes for a herd of sheep to wander by? Those things don't exactly have a central leadership structure. I had to hide for a LONG time. Seriously, I think I did like four Sudoku puzzles.

Again, sorry I didn't return the sheep. I was...uh...really busy.

Well, there it is. GLAD I got that off my chest.

Love me some "various laws" in Deuteronomy.

May 4th: Deuteronomy 21, Song of Solomon 1 & Acts 13

Three things make me wonder from these passages:

Why God is harsh on rebellious children when He provides so much mercy for women captured in a fallen city?

Why every time the apostles preach in Acts they run through the history of Israel?

And what a green couch, ceder beams and pine rafters have to do with anything. I'm sure it's about fertility and strength...but I'm not sure I want to know.

May 3rd: Deuteronomy 20, Ecclesiastes 12 and Acts 11-12

When the angel rescues Peter, the guards are killed. They didn't do anything wrong. They were doing their job and because of a miracle they were killed. That's rough. We always focus on Peter's escape. But these were at least 4 men maybe with families...with kids. People that died because Peter was set free. Why didn't God do something crazy where Peter just vanished the next day from in front of Herod. Something so that innocent men didn't have to die?

May 2nd: Deuteronomy 19, Ecclesiastes 11 and Acts 10

I think Ecclesiastes 11:1-3 might be advice on investing money. I always thought it was about trying new things or doing good stuff. But the next couple of lines are all about planting and harvesting. So does cast your bread upon the water mean to invest in things and get a good return. Could it be that "give portions to seven or eight" is about mutual funds? Or camel dealers or vineyards... whatever the market of the day was.

Am I way off on this?